Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
