I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
