Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
