If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
