rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
