his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
