You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
