I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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