Rock
Scissors
Fuck
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
