i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
