meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
