Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
