Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
