Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
