I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
