I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
