I skipped work to stalk him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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