Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Randomize
