I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
