I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
