did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
