i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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