I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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