remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
