i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
