i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
