So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
