I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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