Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
