Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
