Betty ford says i'm here all night
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
