so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
