Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
