if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm just crazy horny about you
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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