I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just pynch a tree in the face
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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