when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
