and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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