Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
what day is it and did you see me today?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
