Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish I only lived at night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
