I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so explain again why im purple
no
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
