Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
