If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
