I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
