How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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