forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
