It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
