well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
please come you make the beer taste better
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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