True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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