I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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