Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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