She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
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