The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
