Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
