I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
