thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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