Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
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