You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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