Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
