guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
