My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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