Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
