Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
