Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
