I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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