Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is Oprah even human
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
