38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
