I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
