you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
