I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
