I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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