He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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