Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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