She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you would pick up someone in the library
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
